What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
