i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize