My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
