Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
