420 ftw
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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