I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
