I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
