I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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