My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
