Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
