I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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