Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize