When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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