Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize