This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
