remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I didn't notice because vodka
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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