shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
