ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can feel your judgement through the phone
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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