Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
