she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
