i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
