My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
