His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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