Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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