he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
