I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
