I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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