it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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