Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize