I could make wine with my vomit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
third nipple confirmed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
