I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
