what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
