Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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