you would pick up someone in the library
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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