Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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