You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
