I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize