His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
