some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
