why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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