What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
