Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
