I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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