Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
