the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
