Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
