Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
