do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
