please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Two words: nipple clamps
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