If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I came so hard my ears popped.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
