Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
