just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
