I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize