Whod you bang
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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