Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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