I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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