If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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