someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
