I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
