So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
