i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
