If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
