I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
