Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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