This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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