she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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