Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
