Where is the hickey?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
