You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
