Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
