they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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