I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
