He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
