we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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