I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
