and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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