Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
