Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize