if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Princesses don't give blow jobs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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