the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
