I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
