I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
