just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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