After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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