If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize