I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
