Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And then he peed in my hair
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