a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
