if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
