Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
