I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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