I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
