Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
