im gay
i know
yea but for you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
