I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
