Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
