So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Drunk is not a location!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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