I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
