Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
