I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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