I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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